I needed a vent session....and I didn't know who to have it with, and everyone else is probably tired of me talking about it and I really needed this. I'm so sorry to anyone who takes the time to read this...So so sorry.
Can I take a minute to breathe? Okay. Sigh....
I don't really know where to start other than to scream....That's all I want to do. Prom is less than 2 weeks away, and I still can't think about it without feeling sick. Not because I don't want to go with my date, but because I feel so much pressure going with him. What if he doesn't have a good time? What if I get sick? What if I'm on my period and my dress doesn't fit nice and I have really bad cramps and he's mad at me? What if he doesn't want to dance with me? How are we supposed to dance since we're just really awkward friends? What if my dress is too big? Just...just...aosdkhgaghasrhg.
I can't even begin to describe how worried I am...and to make matters worse....I've liked this boy for so long. And when I had him, I ruined it, and just recently did I earn his trust back. I don't want to ruin that....that's not the problem though....I've liked him for so long that I just gave up ever getting him to like me back. but recently people have been telling me that he likes me. To which I very politely say "I don't think so" and then there is an argument and I get angry because I don't want to get my hopes up because then if I say anything then I look like a fool. Things get really awkward and we never speak again and he moves to Minnesota where we never will see eachother for the rest of our days.
I want what they say to the be true....I can take the despair, it's the hope that kills me. The hope that maybe he will love me back...but I don't think that will every happen which is why I don't think he likes me. Which is why I get so upset when people say that to me, so I wish they would just stop.
I need to breathe. I need to let go....
I need a friend.....lately I just...don't seem to have anyone. I miss that about Brett....when I could talk to him about anything....I was such an idiot. I want out of this town. I want out of this entire state. I'm just slipping....I want out.